“I’m scared”, “That’s scary”, “Im afraid” etc…
We mis-use those phrases all too often, thus giving so much negative energy to the situation, which if we sat back was probably only an uncomfortable, or awkward or simply unpleasant situation in the first place.
Like cancelling on a planned event, we tend to say,”I’m scared to call and cancel”, we work our-self up, put off the call, get a sick feeling inside the pit of our stomach, all because we made the statement “I’m scared to call and cancel”. If we could keep it simple, and accept that it is only unfortunate that the call be made, than perhaps we could by pass the drama we allowed into our being in the first place.
We should realize that uncomfortable situations, awkward situations, unpleasant situations happen and keep them in perspective. Unfortunately in life sudden true scary events happen like natural disaster or violent acts, those are the real scary things, nothing else.
I, for one, and Heidi for two, am going to stop allowing the negative energy from coming into my life that saying I’m afraid over the little inconveniences that arise from time to time brings. Seems to me that’s an easy fix and one more step towards peace and serenity.
Yippee!
Friday, January 11, 2008
It's O.K.. to Say, "No"
When we are very young we hear the word NO quite often, probably too much. It is also, for the majority of us, the first word, along with daddy and mommy that we learn to say…
Why is it lthan that later in life it is the hardest word for so many us us to use? We are so quick to feel guilty because we allow others to impose their desires and expectations upon us.
A couple years ago Heidi and I began the practice of saying ‘no’ to things we simply did not want to commit to, or were honestly unable to commit to. Then we soon realized it was difficult to say no without adding an explanation.
Although we know, logically in our brain it is OK to say, Thank you, but no thank you, thank you for thinking of me, but no thank you, or so many other ways to say “NO” with out an explanation. It is not necessary to give details to ANYONE if you do not want to do something.
I began to be very aware that when I followed up with an explanation than one of these two things would occur:
1. If give an explanation, my explanation then becomes open for discussion (or debate) and I wind up committing to more things that I should or truly am able to.
2. If don’t really have an excuse, but don’t feel it’s right to say no, or don’t want to hurt the persons feelings, I lie and make something up. I than feel awful that I just lied and was not “impeccable with my word”.
I truly believe that sometimes, more often than not, it is OK to say no, I am learning to simply be grateful that I am invited and/or included in things or events or asked to do certain things because I am am loved and appreciated for my skills and talents but that I also have to value my time equally as much and if I don’t set boundaries than no one will ever respect me and my time and that will undoubtedly become a lifestyle . I will all too soon be unappreciated and the expectations will become too big for me, leaving me at times frustrated and overwhelmed.
So maybe, just maybe, that is precisely the reason it is the first word we learn to say…
Why is it lthan that later in life it is the hardest word for so many us us to use? We are so quick to feel guilty because we allow others to impose their desires and expectations upon us.
A couple years ago Heidi and I began the practice of saying ‘no’ to things we simply did not want to commit to, or were honestly unable to commit to. Then we soon realized it was difficult to say no without adding an explanation.
Although we know, logically in our brain it is OK to say, Thank you, but no thank you, thank you for thinking of me, but no thank you, or so many other ways to say “NO” with out an explanation. It is not necessary to give details to ANYONE if you do not want to do something.
I began to be very aware that when I followed up with an explanation than one of these two things would occur:
1. If give an explanation, my explanation then becomes open for discussion (or debate) and I wind up committing to more things that I should or truly am able to.
2. If don’t really have an excuse, but don’t feel it’s right to say no, or don’t want to hurt the persons feelings, I lie and make something up. I than feel awful that I just lied and was not “impeccable with my word”.
I truly believe that sometimes, more often than not, it is OK to say no, I am learning to simply be grateful that I am invited and/or included in things or events or asked to do certain things because I am am loved and appreciated for my skills and talents but that I also have to value my time equally as much and if I don’t set boundaries than no one will ever respect me and my time and that will undoubtedly become a lifestyle . I will all too soon be unappreciated and the expectations will become too big for me, leaving me at times frustrated and overwhelmed.
So maybe, just maybe, that is precisely the reason it is the first word we learn to say…
TRY
The word we decided to delete from our vocabulary in 2007 was “TRY”.
We will instead “DO” something and perhaps be unsuccessful but at least we did our best.
We would commit to the things we wanted to commit too, even if they were things that were not pleasant or fun and excited, we would either commit or politely decline.
We realized that if we continued to say we would “TRY” than we, on too numerous occasions to list would fall short and/or fail miserably.
Do our best. Do what we could do. Commit to events and engagements and parties and lunches etc. that we knew we could commit to.
We realized that we all can “DO” what we set our minds to “DO” the result may or may not live up to others expectation, that’s not the issue.
The word “TRY” seems to have less power or energy if you will than ”DO” or “WILL” or “CAN”.
Like “trying” some new food. You either went, tasted it, liked it or you didn’t. Where was the try?
Like painting, you either took the paint, put it on a canvas, liked the finished picture or you didn’t. Either way you painted. You ‘did’ it.
Like snowboarding, I went one time with my son, he told me what to do, I gave it my all, i fell and fell and fell and fell and fell and fell and, well, you get my point, I fell alot, but I did it. It was not pretty but I went and I did my best.
Well, anyway, just think about it, and give yourself more credit. I bet there is so much more you will soon “DO” and complete and be successful at, than if you continue to add to the list of things you will or say you will “TRY”.
We will instead “DO” something and perhaps be unsuccessful but at least we did our best.
We would commit to the things we wanted to commit too, even if they were things that were not pleasant or fun and excited, we would either commit or politely decline.
We realized that if we continued to say we would “TRY” than we, on too numerous occasions to list would fall short and/or fail miserably.
Do our best. Do what we could do. Commit to events and engagements and parties and lunches etc. that we knew we could commit to.
We realized that we all can “DO” what we set our minds to “DO” the result may or may not live up to others expectation, that’s not the issue.
The word “TRY” seems to have less power or energy if you will than ”DO” or “WILL” or “CAN”.
Like “trying” some new food. You either went, tasted it, liked it or you didn’t. Where was the try?
Like painting, you either took the paint, put it on a canvas, liked the finished picture or you didn’t. Either way you painted. You ‘did’ it.
Like snowboarding, I went one time with my son, he told me what to do, I gave it my all, i fell and fell and fell and fell and fell and fell and, well, you get my point, I fell alot, but I did it. It was not pretty but I went and I did my best.
Well, anyway, just think about it, and give yourself more credit. I bet there is so much more you will soon “DO” and complete and be successful at, than if you continue to add to the list of things you will or say you will “TRY”.
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